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A word or two before viewing the galleries below:
I would've liked to have included some album covers which I think are typical of their time, from recording artistes like
Roxy Music who used nothing but beautiful women on their sleeves, to the official soundtrack albums like
The Silencers, or the Bond films, especially
Casino Royale, one of my favourite covers of all time, to outright exploitation travesties like the Scorpions'
Love Drive (check out also the
back cover), or the tame and tranquil Merrymen's
Come to My Island and
Sugar Jam. I would've also liked to include the best girlie album cover of them all, Jimi Hendrix's
Electric Ladyland.
Although these are great covers they are just too popular and not
trashy enough. I therefore had to make a decision and limit the ones I
could include here to just those album covers I think are
representative of the Golden Age with nothing but girls on the cover and
rate highly on the trash scale. However, I have on occasions deviated
from this strict rule of mine where I felt there was good reason to do
so. Thus you'll find here some which may have more than just a girl on
the cover. Indeed, some covers like, for instance,
Music After Midnight Part 1, has a couple romantically relaxing on a sofa. It's not a brilliant cover, but the girl looks great! Or David Nicholas'
Around the World which I had to include just because it is so bad and looks like
it could have come straight out of TV's
On the Buses—but at least it's got a bird on the cover. Others like Raymond Wallbank's
Relax and Listen
has Ray himself unfortunately on the cover. (I did set myself another
rule that those covers featuring the artistes should be excluded, but
as the girl stretched out on the bench next to him looks up at Ray so
sheepishly, I thought this was meritorious enough to warrant
inclusion.) Elsewhere I have endeavoured to refrain from including
albums with the artiste on the cover. I have also excluded official
soundtracks, but have included non-official ones as well as a host of
shows and musicals spin-offs. Nor must one forget the trite tribute
albums not featuring the real artistes. These, in my view, are pure
trashiness beyond compare.
A word also about the image
quality. The photos of the covers were taken on my 6 megapixel digital
camera which produced an incredibly detailed image. Unfortunately, some
of the images aren't as great as they could have been, as you would
expect from records which have been doing the rounds and lying in dank
basements for years. So I have tried to tidy them up as best I could.
Three sizes are presented here: 1) a small thumbnail, 2) a medium size,
and 3) a large size, the latter 4/5ths the actual size. These large
images can be viewed directly through the links on the database page.
For reasons of space, I have omitted the back covers, but have included
a few where I preferred the back to the front, and also some of the
gatefold spreads which you will find linked in the 'Notes' section under
each gallery.
As I said on
the previous page, I'm hoping to include more as I come across them and
will add them to
RetroTrash.
Until then this is still probably about the best place to come looking
if you're interested in any trashy covers of this era. I've been doing
some research and have yet to find a website as comprehensive as this.
But you might want to check out a few of the links below, if you
haven't already.
LINKS TO EXTERNAL SITES
○ Cover Heaven
○
Hot Hits
○
Easy on the Eye
○
RetroCrush
○
Under the Cover and Over the Top
○
Top of the Pops
○
Top of the Pops (another)
○
Cover Girl (same site as Hot Hits above, different access)
○
Music for Pleasure
○
Chicks on Vinyl
○
Gavin Underhill
Another site worth checking out for anything retro is
Duck Soup Retro, specialising in toys, games, art, housewares,
collectibles, electronics, clothing, books, etc., of the period. If
anybody runs a similar site not listed above, please let me know and I
will link it here.
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CATEGORIES OF CONVENIENCE
To present the full range
of covers from my collection I have had to split them up into
convenient categories. You may not agree with some of my attributions
but they're the simplest labels I could come up with. Some pages
contain only a few images, whereas others contain fifty upwards. As I
said, I'm hoping to increase the size of all these pages when I come
across more covers. Anyway, as they stand at present, I believe they're
all worth viewing.
12 Tops—A chart hits series of cover versions, typical of the time.
16 Chart Hits—Another chart hits series
of cover versions.
Accordion & Organ—Horrible instruments with suitably bad covers.
Ballads—Includes collections of army barrack
sing-alongs and traditional folk dirges.
Bert Kaempfert—Like
Conniff and
Last,
Kaempfert produced so many albums in the sixties and seventies, and
mostly with glamorous girls on his covers, that he deserves a category
to himself.
Boxsets—Contains only a few at present, most of them put out by
Reader's Digest for subscribers. I've
posted the covers of the boxes as well as the inner covers as there are
some great photos. More to be added soon.
Country & Western—Most of these are compilation albums with original artistes, with suitable country themes.
Classical—Self-explanatory.
Women have been adorning the covers of classical composers since the
fifties. Here we have a broad range, and all done with suitable aplomb.
Dance—Most likely some of the worst covers you're ever likely to come across. The category speaks for itself.
Easy Listening—Probably
the largest contribution to this site, this gallery contains a large
number of covers because most of the music coming out at the time falls
under this label and they nearly always had a girl on the cover.
European—Trashy collection of
foreign albums and a load of holidays-abroad-type themes, the latter
oft featuring a girl in a bikini sporting a suntan.
Exotica—In the fifties
serious composers attempted to recreate the type of music associated
with foreign climes, introducing us to the wild and exciting rhythms of the
natives. So here you'll find music devoted to Hawaii, South America, Brazil, etc., with suitably exotic covers.
Guitar—The geetar;
where would we be without that great instrument? It features in the
titles of most of the albums presented here. And where would we be
without Bert Weedon showing us how it should be done. Bert who? (But
see his site.)
Hammond—Dreadful
instrument with a dreadful sound. The Hammond seems to have reigned
victorious in the sixties and seventies and you couldn't get away from
it if you tried. I suppose it was useful and capable of producing by
itself what would normally take a full orchestra, thus making it
incredibly easy to churn out music on the cheap. After all, you only
had to pay one guy to play it. Some of the covers here are as lame as
the instrument, but notice how they try to sex it up with a cover to
die for so you'd be induced to buy it.
Hot Hits—Second only to the more popular
Top of the Pops
series, these were produced at the beginning of the seventies, only
lasting about three years. I think, out of all the ones listed here,
this is my favourite category as the girls on the covers are used to
good effect. All twenty are presented here for your delight.
James Last—The king of cool when it comes to easy listening. Again, like
Bert and
Ray, Mr Last deserves a category in his own right because he invariably had just girls on his covers.
Jazz & Dixie—Again self-explanatory, also includes a bit of banjo,
saxophone, trumpet, etc. I've also stuck here some marching band covers
as they typically use brass, and are in a way Jazz and Dixie related.
Joe Loss—Like
Last,
et al, Joe also had plenty of girls on his covers. Here are just a few, more to be added soon.
Klaus Wunderlich—The
Hammond organ grinder himself, Mr Wunderlich was prodigious in his
output in the seventies, producing a whole slew of pop-hit oriented
albums, and all with great-looking women on the covers. Needless to
say, I've not included any with himself on the cover, of course, well,
only one, and for good reason.
Musicals & Shows—Not the official version of Oklahoma or
Annie Get Your Gun,
but the cheaper second-rate versions which I think are trashy enough to
warrant inclusion here. I was tempted to include a load of Black &
White Minstrels masterpieces, but had to control myself. Although I did
let one slip out as it has a spectacular pair of legs with full crutch
shot. I just couldn't resist. Sorry about that.
Oriental—Ahhh,
the East, the land of dreams and mystery and all suitably presented
here. Scheherazade gets a good seeing to as she inevitably left lots of
room for the cover designer's imagination. Your average one here was
prey to wild flights of fancy and conjures up innumerable variations
along the lines of the Arabian Nights. I was tempted to add some of my Belly
Dance collection but resisted as there is already a site devoted to such
exotic entertainment. Check out:
www.shanmonster.com/belly/gallery/albums/index.
Party—And
how we like to. Like the dance category this one includes some suitably
bad variations. Check out the 'Come to Our Surprise Party' series
featuring scantily clad women who can't resist showing a nipple and for
some reason with the old, small, bald-headed guy from Benny Hill's
entourage. Curious and curiouser. What were they thinking!
Pop Hits—A convenient category featuring an assortment of other, smaller series not entitled to
one of their own, as well as one-offs.
As with the
Easy Listening category this is probably also the largest
one to contribute to this site, and is a convenient place to dump all those
LPs that never made it big time.
Ray Conniff—What
is it about Ray that he hardly features on the covers of any of his
albums? It's not like he's ugly or grotesque. No, he just knows he can
sell more of his stuff if he sticks a pretty female on it who always
seems to be smiling. And he's been doing this for years.
R'n'B & Soul—Essentially, what is called black music I have stuck here. So expect to find a load of soul, reggae, Motown, etc.,
plus also disco and boogie.
Solid Gold—Another culprit, it was responsible for a lot of cash-ins like the Parade of Pops and
Chart-topping Hits series. For convenience, I've stuck them here otherwise the
Pop Hits section would be overflowing.
Sports Songs—Simply
awful pictures, and for some reason usually with a woman on the cover.
How many women do you know who play rugby? Not many, but what the heck,
let's just stick one on the cover and have the ball strategically
placed. Check out the god-awful pseudonyms these session singers chose
to parade their ware under. Unbelievable, totally forgettable. Those
were the days.
Stereo Sounds—Believe
it or not, stereo was the big thing in the mid-to-late sixties. Even in
the early seventies it was still being touted as the biggest thing
since sliced bread, as the images on this page can amply demonstrate.
It also gave a good excuse to have not one but two semi-naked women
painted in silver on the cover, so you get double yer money.
Strings—A loose category of some classical takes on well-known tunes, most of
the ensembles here were called Strings something or other, and not to be
confused with the
Classical section.
Tijuana & Latin—Herb
Alpert has a lot to answer for, introducing us to the sound of Mexico
and the wonderful sassy rhythm of his brass accompaniment. You'll only
find a couple of his albums here though, as I couldn't resist them.
Tijuana in the sixties was big, as this page shows, and don't forget
the Tijuana inspired Casino Royale theme, it too a masterstroke of cool. Whilst our Herb was churning out a
Taste of Honey, plenty of other musicians jumped on the bandwagon. You'll find a good selection of them here.
Top of the Pops—Nothing
to do with the BBC show of the same name, this series was the biggest
cash-in ever. Just buy the rights to the songs, bring in some session
musicians and singers, get them to bastardise them, and you can have
almost exactly the same recording as the real thing but at half the
price. Trouble is, most of us could see through their bullshit as none
of the songs on these albums sounded anything like the real thing. But
who cares? We didn't buy them for the music, only for the pretty girls
on the cover. And don't forget the 'Best of' series.
Since its inauguration in the late sixties
this series went on to become the height of trash, and wins the big
prize, hands down. Not to say it wasn't popular. I still remember as a
kid seeing them sitting on the shelves in Woolworths and being
fascinated by them. And some of the glamour models on the covers
went on to even greater things. It's surprising then how there is still
no decent website devoted to this great British institution, apart
from one or two touching on the subject. An unofficial site gives no info on these releases and
is incomplete, lacking about a third of the total output. Also, the
images are poor quality and do not do justice to the covers (see
External Links listed above). So, to rectify this situation
I've included them here, with sadly three covers missing. Not bad out of
a hundred odd, and hopefully I'll come across them eventually so I can
finish this page off.
Tributes—Just
when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, these rubber
sharks came up and took a bite out of us from behind. If it wasn't bad
enough to have Engelbert and Tom droning they're tonsils out, various
labels also decided to jump in and churn out pseudo recordings, hence
adding to an already abundant amount of mediocrity in the record shops.
Forget the Guns 'n Roses tribute bands that came later, these were
first, and sounding so far off the mark that even a child could tell
the difference. They rank as the best tributes ever, not to the singers
or the songs, but to pure trashiness. It was an exercise in human
ingenuity that is today best forgotten, even though we secretly love
some of the photos on the covers. My fave has to be The Hits of Elvis Presley with a teddy boy swaggering against a jukebox and trying to impress some bird. It looks like
a photo that could have been taken in a shop down the Kings Road in Chelsea. Malcolm McLaren would have been proud.
TV & Movies—Kind
of like the above, a tribute to famous film and TV themes, not quite the
official soundtrack albums usually released to tie-in with the films,
although the soundtrack to
Sunburn
I kind of persuaded myself to include as it has got a great pic of
Farrah Fawcett on the cover and is a reminder of how popular she was
when she was alive in the seventies. Gone, but not forgotten. The rest,
like the tributes to the Bond films and the Avengers, get my thumbs up,
the latter being one of the best from my collection.
In an effort to be a bit more informative, and rather
than just provide a series of galleries, I have created a very simple
database which I am hoping to build up into a mine of information. At
present, it contains very basic data like Title, Label, Cat. No., Year,
etc., but also the name of the Model featured on the cover where known.
Obviously, this sort of information is very hard to obtain now, so
consequently I've drawn a blank on most of the models. If you think you
know who they are, please email me and I will add them as I go along.
(Many thanks to Jeff Vagg of Cover Girl/Hot Hits site listed
above who has kindly helped identify some of the models, and other fans
who have emailed me with some info.) The database is also an easy, direct link to the covers
for large images. So instead
of having to go through the galleries to search for that particular
album you want to look at (and to avoid having to read my unworthy
waffling in the 'Notes' sections at the bottom of each page) you can access all of them from the
database here
which you'll also find linked per page.
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